I have to write a post about Timberland socks because they have stood the test of time. They are sturdy, durable, comfortable, aesthetically pleasing, and they have made my prison time more enjoyable. I have a golden rule when it comes to my socks and underwear, I wear them until they get a hole and then they go in the trash. It doesn’t matter how small the hole is, the second my skin or toenail sees a sliver of sunlight, they are on their last use.
Well, these socks have been going well over a year and I get comments on them all the time:
“Noah, I think it’s time to buy some new socks.”
“Hey buddy, are you doing alright financially, do you need me to buy you some socks?”
“You know they give you free socks at laundry.”
“I didn’t know they sold Timberland socks in gray now!”
“I see your financial support finally fell off!”
It’s true, they do give you free socks at inmate laundry, but they are extremely uncomfortable, not quite as bad as their polyester boxers, but a close second for the most uncomfortable piece of clothing you can receive from the Bureau of Prison. The elastics on the socks wear out fast, and when that happens they start sliding down your calf, which I can’t stand.
Also, they go up to your knees because they are given away as a one size fits all, so if you are Shaquille O’Neil, they are standard crew socks and for everyone else, they are knee-high leggings.
Then you have the Timberland socks that are sold on commissary, they come in crew or ankle, and you get a three-pack for about $10.
Peer pressure has almost got to me a few times and where I about caved in and bought a couple of new packs, but I have held strong. I say I don’t want to be wasteful, but the reality is I’m cheap when it comes to buying clothes. I have never been able to spend more than $60 on a pair of jeans, my suits were always purchased at Men’s Warehouse (they were all paid for by my mom or grandparents), $100 is the most I have ever spent on shoes, thrift store shopping is my favorite destination, and I didn’t even know stores like Gucci, Versace, and Prada even had outlet shops until I came to prison.
I just learned what a red bottom is two weeks ago. An inmate that was going home said he was leaving this prison wearing a bunch of clothes I had never heard of, red bottom shoes, and he is going straight to McDonald’s to get a 20 piece nugget. Also, half the city of Dallas was waiting for him. Disclaimer: he left here owning more money than anyone I have seen in my six-plus years of prison. I wasn’t listening too closely because I assumed he was full of it, but I did have one question, what is a red bottom? The answer, a $1,000 shoe that I will never own!
My mom wanted to throw or give all my clothes away when I came to prison, she said they will all be outdated, and I almost had a heart attack. I pleaded, “Mom, most of my clothes are 10-15 years old right now, so what difference is another 7-8 years on top.” I am not entirely sure that I convinced her but whenever I ask her if she still has my cloths, she says they are all put away in my new room, but I feel like she is lying to me sometimes. I am guessing a bunch of my stuff got miraculously lost in the move from my childhood home in Roseau down to Minneapolis, but we will find out in six months.
So, back to my socks. The other day I came home and my laundry was on my bed, right where I left it after I finished washing it earlier in the day. But next to my laundry bag was a group of six institution socks altered down to an ankle sock and nicely rubber banded up. I had no idea who left them there and none of my roommates knew, so I asked if anybody wanted them. I knew why someone put them there because they think I need to finally trade mine in, but the socks from inmate laundry give me the same cringe that most people get from hearing fingernails on a chalkboard, I just can’t wear them.
I am weird about my feet, I can’t wear socks when I’m not wearing shoes, and my feet get so dry that I have to apply Vaseline to them multiple times a day. There is a reason I have been taking my shoes and socks off whenever I enter someone’s house, it’s not only because I’m a weirdo, it’s also because I would be in pure agony if I didn’t.
Thanks for listening!