I was at my lowest point in 2011, I was addicted to a number of amphetamines, crack cocaine, and heroin. I thought so low of myself that the thought of suicide started to seem like a simple solution to my problems. I hated myself and for that reason I couldn’t comprehend how anyone else could love me. I was isolating in my downtown apartment, 13 floors up, and I recall looking off that balcony thinking all I have to do is jump.
Then came my indictment in 2012, most the hard drugs were gone, but alcohol had become my new way to cope. I was initially looking at 240 months in federal prison, and I couldn’t begin to fathom how I could serve that much time. Over the course of my pre-trial release it became clear that I would receive a sentence closer to 120 months, and still I questioned whether or not I could do it. Again, suicide crept into my mind, and I mentioned it to a friend. That friend assured me, not only could I do the time, but reminded me how much good I have in my life waiting for me when my time has been served.
As I sit here today at the point he spoke of, I realize he was correct. The journey was tough and there were still many dark times that I experienced throughout those years of incarceration. But I made it and so can you if you just hold on. Always remember, that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I might not understand what you are going through, but someone out there does.
If you are having a hard time, feeling hopeless, give yourself a break. Read through these quotes and write down your favorite(s). They might not fix whatever ails you, but it could be the start. I know they brightened my spirits as I read each of them looking for the right ones.
- Helen Keller once wrote, “We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.”
- “The deepest thing that I have learned in my own life have come from the deepest suffering.” -Elisabeth Elliot, author of, Suffering Is Never For Nothing
- “There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t.” -John Green
- “Sometimes, life will kick you around, but sooner or later, you realize you’re not just a survivor. You’re a warrior, and you’re stronger than anything life throws your way.” -Brooke Davis
- “Give yourself another day, another chance. You will find your courage eventually. Don’t give up on yourself just yet.” -Unknown, www.HealthyPlace.com
- “Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” —Christopher Reeve
- “Keep yourself busy if you want to avoid depression. For me, inactivity is the enemy.” —Matt Lucas
- “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” —Thich Nhat Hanh
- “The greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being.” —Tenzin Gyats
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, “My son, the battle is between two “wolves” inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Exercises For Battling Depression
-Physical Fitness (be active)
- Weight Training
- Body Weight Exercises
- Yard Work
- Playing With Your Family
-Choose your media wisely (does it inspire you in a positive way)
- Video Games
- Breathing Exercises
- Grounding Exercise
- Today, you are perfect.
- Forward Progress! Just keep moving!
- I am Strong. I am Beautiful. I am Enough.
- Om (Pronounced: A-U-M)
- I am that I am
- I am full of light
-Who are the people you’re hanging out with and do they possess the following character traits?
-Limit your stress
- Trim your to-do list
- Don’t take on more than you can handle
- Get adequate sleep
- Plan your day
- Schedule “Me Time”
- Journal your thoughts and emotions
- So often in today’s society this is looked at as a form of weakness and it could be no further from the truth. Crying is a healthy way of releasing stress and anxiety, and it’s a form of strength. It took me almost 34 years to believe this. Next time you feel those tears coming on, let it out, you will feel better for it.
- Random acts of kindness give joy to all parties involved. Allow people to help you when you are in need, don’t be too proud, you are helping them in the process. Then once you have been helped, pay it forward, find someone else and pass it on. If everyone thought this way the world would be a beautiful place.
-Do things you enjoy
- Dennis Cockerham always tells me, “Attitude follows action, if you want to feel better, then go do something you enjoy, but if you want to keep feeling like this, then just stay right where you’re at.”
- When I took his advice, I always found out he was correct. Below is a list of possible hobbies you can incorporate into your routine:
- Sports/Recreational Activities
- Scrapbooking/Arts & Crafts
- Bird Watching
- DIY Projects
- Musical Instrument
- Card Games/Chess/Dominoes
- Creative Writing
- Board Games
- Learn A New Language/Self Study
Here’s a list of websites, text messages and phone numbers to call. Remember, you are never alone.
- Crisis Textline: Text “HOME” to 741741
- TeenLine: Text “TEEN” to 839863
- TrevorText: Text “START” to 678678
- National Suicide Prevention: 1-800-273- TALK
- Teen Line: 310-855-4673
- Youth Line: 877-968-8491
- National Suicide Hotline: 1-800- SUICIDE
- Trevor Lifeline (LBTWQ): 1-866-488-7386
- Trans Lifeline: US: (877) 565- 8860 or CANADA: (877) 330-6366
For more resources visit www.BlessingManifesting.com